Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I am one with the molecules
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
