I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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