She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
