last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
