3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
