you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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