Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
