When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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