So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
