No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
