You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
