Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
