if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
