u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
