I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
handjob tips. give me some.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The beer is more important than you right now.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
