he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
