A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
