i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
