maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
