i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
