who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
