a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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