Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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