Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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