Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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