I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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