I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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