my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
