"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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