I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The uberlube is also flammable
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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