he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
