weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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