Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
