left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
