I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Say something about gay babies.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
