please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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