Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
