im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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