I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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