Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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