I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You're like the curious george of whores
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
