she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i came on her dog
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
