isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
