is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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