Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
