No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
