Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
