I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
