I need to stop coming to work sober
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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