Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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